Just Mine

{Just a post with 

just pictures of 

just what I touch and work on during

 my day}

I wanted to see what I see all day besides the kids...

I think a couple kids snuck in there

but I tried to isolate and photograph 

just what I do

Call it an experiment in "maternal social studies!

serving breakfast

{homemade grain-free granola and raw pastured milk}

someone who is very grateful for the nutritious food I work hard to provide

Heading to the shower...

{this robe has seen me through pregnancies, sickness, cold days, sad days...and yes, I'm aware that it has yellow bath ducks and bubbles on it!}

Arthur...on the way upstairs

{long story, still makes me laugh}

And this still makes me smile!

{we worked so hard on this room, never thought we'd be finished...still love it up there}

Nasty...but cute

{this bathroom is older than your grandmother and dirtier than the bottom of an inner city dumpster...the day we rent a truck and haul away the guts of this room will be a happy one, indeed!}

Favorite jeans

{that of course were discontinued right after I ordered them and fell in love!}

 Other random stuff I must use each and every day

{in our other bathroom...that is older than your GREAT grandmother and dirtier than...well, I can't say! Not sure which one I'm more excited about tearing in to}

Waiting for me at the foot of my bed

{our "laundry room" is actually a small closet...IN our bedroom. Mixed feelings on that one!}

Checking in, and finding diligence!

{not normal...but warms my heart when it happens. Usually when I step out of the room, pandemonium breaks loose. Hence the reason I don't seem to get as many daily showers as I should!}

LOTS of tea bags...

for LOTS of kombucha

{this was my first gallon batch...isn't it pretty?}

If it isn't written in here, we won't be there!

{this is my paper-brain...couldn't live without it}

And if it isn't written in HERE, my kids won't be learning it!

{I heart my planners!}

Back in the kitchen to make lunch

{they all LOVE celery!}

Finding a misplaced water bottle

This is never empty...

{sad, but true!}

{I'd LOVE to have two dishwashers!}

Apron love

Something else to trip over

{but loyal companion!}

Dinner leftovers

{grain-free biscuits with jelly}

My light saber...duh-DUH, duhduhduhDUH-duh

{I love this broom...makes me happy to sweep!

and yes, there's a little St*r Wars love around here, too}

What's in there for tomorrow?

{can you spot the leeks, pastured chicken, farm eggs and cod liver oil?

Oh, and Ruger is looking for a carrot!}

This means bedtime is almost here...

{or maybe this was me starting it at noon!}

I would like to try this again but with a different theme...

maybe like "what I taught the kids" or "what we read" or "what I cooked"

What do you do when...

every word you say hits a brick wall?

When obedience turns into a negotiable concept?

When you get so frustrated that you want to stomp and yell and punch the wall?

When the entire household has molasses running through their veins, 

but the schedule races by at the speed of light?

When everyone, including you, needs something dramatic and new,

all at the same time?

When you need to be doing 5 things all at once...

but can't seem to even manage one successfully?

 

I get excited!

Yep!

It's when those seasons come that I lean deeper into my Rock. 

He put me here. 

He has made me content to be a wife, a mother, a help-meet, a homemaker, a teacher...

I love watching our home get rocked this way

because...

The outcome is beautiful!

We all emerge clean and shiny, washed by the rain of trials and friction, cleansed by the act of humble submission to our Heavenly Father, 

 

author of

orderliness

and peace

 

giver of wisdom

 

lifter of the weary

 

light for those who stumble

encourager of the mommies

protector of their children

leader of the lost.

So, we wait. I pray and observe...both myself and my children. I take notes, find scripture, get ideas from others, pray some more, and let the Lord make a new plan. This happens every so often to us...mostly when I'm feeling puffed up and prideful that I CAN DO IT!

Because, after all, I can't do it! It's only Christ through me that can...

It's a hard lesson learned, one that I apparently need to learn over and over again.

This time seems to be a bit harder than others...and I'm seeing bad fruit from bad choices.

BUT

Jesus will be glorified here!

And it will be a beautiful thing...

We interrupt this program...

Today was a good day...

Just a day to stay at home, listen to the rain

learn something, cook some food

clean a bit

snuggle and read

you know, normal stuff!

But...

as soon as I woke up I knew I had to visit my chiropractor.

From all the enthusiastic violin practicing I've been doing with the children

my jaw and neck were hurting

and boy were they in pain this morning!

I could barely open my mouth...

So, a phone call and a frantic hour later

we were on the road.

The appointment was at 11, which meant we had to leave at 10

If you've read previous posts of mine

you'll know that leaving the house at 10 is *yawn* early morning for us!

Thank goodness for extra homemade turkey sausage patties from yesterday in my fridge

and a quick kefir smoothie!

Anyway, after a crazy unexpected three hours in which I began to feel tremendously better,

we pulled in the driveway where I was greeted by a text message from a friend asking

"r u home?"

Want my honest reaction?

*inward groan*

*thoughts of being dishonest*

I don't like to be interrupted!

And we had JUST pulled in the driveway, for heaven's sakes! 

After a morning of a huge interruption!

BUT...

I replied

"sure!"

And in 15 minutes had an onlooker while I fed the kids and cleaned up the kitchen...sort of

THEN...

(are you ready? this is big...)

I

SAT

DOWN

and

chatted nonstop for several hours with a friend that I hadn't seen for quite a while that used to be one of my closest friends who said she was lonely and unsettled and we got interrupted several times by the kids but it didn't phase me because hey, the whole day so far has been an interruption, right?

*whew*

And you know what?

It was great!

Yes, the house suffered...

dinner was late...

part of school didn't get done...

violin didn't get practiced...

the children watched a couple movies...

But it was OK!

We had a great time and shared things that needed to be talked about between the two of us.

And, best of all, I was reminded of something.

A truth that MUST be remembered if you are going to be a successful parent.

The interruptions in your day are God breaking in and giving you an opportunity to teach the children something about life, and giving you an opportunity to practice patience, grace, gentleness or any other character lesson He is teaching YOU!

Interruptions are the alarm clock going off, reminding you not to get too caught up in

the busy, but to stop

and 

BE

in the

moment

To be interrupted is a gift.

DEEPression

falling without warning

like thick grey snowflakes

permanently frozen

sucking me under

frosting my windshield

swerving me off the road

into a safe ditch

no more travel today

my mind shuts down

and simple choices become

a herculean effort

laughter and jokes turn to

ugly noise

amplified by nerves on edge

physical touch is painful

friendly advances seem threatening

eyes can't focus on reality

when the flurries come 

sometimes I can make them melt

not today

today it is a blizzard

no tools for escape

hands fall numb and heavy

no help but to sleep

and hope to wake tomorrow

to sunshine

{does any of this ring true for you? if so, there is hope! you can get help...I did. don't give up, dear sister...there is a plan for your life!}

It was lovely...

It was lovely, it really was...
...from start to finish...

 Each year on Christmas Eve when I get ready to pile the gifts under the tree I always think we've not done enough...

that our love for each child might be measured by how many gifts they receive the next morning

or by how much money we spent

But...

Each year as I set everything lovingly under the tree

I am overwhelmed by the reality of how generous the Lord has allowed us to be 

and how generous the Lord is with us

in more ways than just tangible gifts...

When we drove through the devastation that is Joplin on our trip two weeks ago we were brought to tears...

and still I am affected.

Acutely grateful and aware of the ways the Lord has spared us, and so thankful to

{{be}}

with family

in our house

under a roof

in the warmth

with food

our own clothes

fresh water

and 

wrapped gifts

Gifts that we don't NEED

only things that we 

WANT

small tokens

weak gestures

attempts to represent

and symbolize

the most

AMAZING

GIFT

OF

ALL

a tiny baby

helpless in an animal feeding trough

wrapped in strips of dirty rough fabric

here to save

.us.

So...embracing all this, we had a wonderful Christmas. We spent the days with family, crammed in small houses, talking above noisy children, waiting for slow food to cook, cleaning up messes, laughing, hugging, and loving every precious moment of it.

I am ready to put behind me all the tears and unanswered questions of this year and

turn to face the only One who knows the answers

and follow Him into the next year,

the future that only He is certain of...

Worrying about what lies ahead and trying to answer things for myself is too big a burden for me to carry

and I gladly

turn

it 

over

to my Savior,

the precious tiny babe

come to save the world.

Happy New Year!

May you look to Him for the truth, and the true measure of your gifts.

Ephesians 3:20-22

Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.

(kjv)

Minus one...

It's been a bit over a year since my miscarriage. 

I still cry and miss my baby...

I think about how old she'd be right now...she pops into my head at odd times, and I mentally fit her in to what we're doing. 

I always feel like someone's missing and am constantly looking around, counting to make sure we've got everyone. 

I have friends who had babies around the time I would have had my angel, and it makes the empty space in my heart even bigger when I see them.

I also have friends who have shared the pain of miscarriage...but they've gone on to have other children.  "But what if I can't?" I always think...
We've tried...and I had one more miscarriage...

Discovering and dealing with related health issues should make it easier to bide my time. Some days it does, but some days it doesn't.

They say time heals everything, but I'm not so sure. Part of me is forever changed...will forever be longing...

Despite the sadness, I've come to terms with the reality that
it happened.

I am a mother of five...
two of whom I've never kissed
but will someday.

It will forever be a part of who I am
we will always have a part of our family missing.

Our family is not yet complete.

God has promised me to one day fill my aching arms again...but the waiting is so hard.

Field of Bees

It was a beautiful day...
typical fall in the midwest, brilliant colors everywhere
summer fading away in a last wash of richness

The wildflowers were stunning
but
the field was full of bees...

She didn't want to stay and pick flowers.

We left, and it made me think...
Am I ever in a field of bees?

Walking in seems so appealing
Curiosity is my second nature.

Do I stay despite the sting of reality?
Should I?

Depends on where the field is...
sometimes fighting the bees is a good thing!

Ava

5 years...

1,825 days...

43,8000 hours...

2,628,000 seconds...

gone by in a blink of an eye!

I still think, "Wow! I have a DAUGHTER!"

Someone to train to be a wife and a mother

Someone who will watch my every move and want to be like me...good or bad

A little person who is like me but also completely un-like...

She mystifies my head

but

my heart completely understands her

 

 Having a daughter is NOTHING like having sons...

I'm still surprised!

 She's a delight to watch...

dancing and singing her way through life

loving passionately

and

hating with fury

There is no lukewarm here!

Stuffed animals are her companion and lovie of choice
I was exactly the same...
and like her, I had a toy tiger!

She's a rose petal tornado...

sweetness

and

wild wind

She amazes me every day

and teaches me things about myself

that

sometimes I do not want to learn

Five marks the end of a journey

and I'm sad

but

in awe of what will be happening

right before our eyes...

grace and beauty...

laughter and sweetness...

tigers, lions and poodles

plastic food

and princess dresses

songs and dances

and falling down

silliness and tears and

coloring books

in {Love} for 5 years...

can't wait for the rest!

One of THOSE!

It's one of THOSE days...
you know, when you sort of have to forget what is socially acceptable?

When it becomes completely reasonable to let the dog clean last night's dinner leftovers out of the crockpot...

When you don't see anything wrong with staying in your pajamas, bra-less,
even when your 10 year old son invites a friend over...
and the friend's dad is coming over to pick him up...

When you feed your grain-free kids popcorn and pretzels for lunch and then get irritated when they are hungry 15 minutes later...

When the bathroom smells like pee but you see no reason why you should investigate or, heaven forbid, CLEAN it...

When you stare at the laundry pile in the middle of the floor and idly think what pretty colors it is before stepping over it and continuing out of the room...

When the only activity that seems reasonable for everyone to do involves the computer or television...

When you try and remember what your domestic duties are and just hear static...

When you fleetingly wonder if you should pretend to be sick in bed so your husband won't ask what you did (or didn't do!) all day...

Yep...
one of THOSE days!

We all have them, and it's OK.
I don't have anything profound to say about it, other than it's just life, and it's normal.
Honestly, I haven't had one in a loooong time.
I must really need a rest!

More than just a hill 'o beans

  

I love having three kids...but my heart still aches for my fourth...and my fifth

that we lost.  

I think about it every.single.day.

I'm not angry...just sad...

and

wondering what God will have for us next!

my Three Musketeers love adventures in the outdoors!

They pray every night that Jesus will give us a farm...

with a creek...

and a large hollow log...

and a cave...

and a couch and a TV in the cave...

I tell them that God hears every prayer but sometimes He answers them a bit differently than we expect!

You know, to avoid any tears when our new farm has the hollow log but not the cave with a TV in it!

One of the many aspects of homeschooling I love is that my kids are friends

not just siblings, not just "the other one that sleeps in my bedroom"

but friends. Real honest to goodness friends.

I cherish their conversations...

I love that Ava wants to give Alec "huggies and kisses" before he leaves to play with a friend...

The other night, Ava had trouble falling asleep and Alec sat in her bed reading her Bible stories

till I could come up and talk to her...

Priceless!

I also love that Ava will have two BIGGER brothers to look out for her! What a filter that will be when boys come a knockin' down the road! And I also enjoy knowing that Ava will have a really good idea of how to relate to the opposite sex and what makes them tick! Of course God's plan is perfect, but I also certainly wouldn't change the birth order here even if I had a chance!

Getting the three of them to cooperate for a photo is virtually impossible, in fact, I don't really even try anymore. Usually I just put them in the clothes, put them in the location, and then let them do their thing! And honestly, the "outtakes" are probably my favorites, because they capture what my three are really all about...

If the picture below was the norm, I think I'd be deathly bored!

Marvin is working on the big "protect and honor your sister" idea with the boys.  It's tough because even though they are older than her, she's still the pesky little sister and  all they wanna do is protect their stuff! This is, unfortunately, a lesson only Daddy can teach...

He's begun to encourage them to play games that involve "rescuing" Ava from a giant horrible beast, in attempts to make it exciting to learn the life-lesson.

It's REALLY important to us that the message gets through...

I'll keep you posted!

It's so awesome to me to get to watch them all learn new things. Benji has taken off with math like nobody's business and his drawings in his sketch book are completely amazing! Tiny and full of detail and each one tells a complete story.  Alec is becoming so much more self motivated. I can tell he's really starting to enjoy school, HE chose his own science book this time around AND his own history book! Ava is pretty much teaching herself how to read...and is extremely motivated with domestic tasks. Sweeping, scrubbing out the sink with baking soda, and washing the cabinet fronts with vinegar water are some of her favorite things to do!

All I can say about the image above, is...

WATCH OUT!

*grin*

 These two do.not.get.along.

At.All.

(for right now, but...)

It's awful!

I remember Alec and Benji going through the same phase right before we took Alec out of public school in second grade. Within 2 months, we noticed a remarkable positive change in Alec, and in his ability to kindly relate to others outside of his peer group. That is one way that a traditional age-grouped school setting is crippling...kids develop a tight tolerance for only those in their developmental stage. It makes dealing with siblings after a long tiring day in the classroom nearly an impossibility!

My hope is that their friendships will continue to blossom, Ava's naturally bossy nature will subside a bit, Benji's highly sensitive temper will quiet, and Alec will come into a fuller realization of his role as the oldest...

Because, deep down, they really and truly are FRIENDS

and that's the best part of being siblings!

Ava loves animals. More than dollies. More than nearly anything.

She goes to bed with no less than 10 animals piled high on each side of her bed. Good thing she sleeps in a queen! I've come in her room at night before and found her using her big tiger or horse as her pillow!

I remember loving animals as a little girl, too. I remember on several occasions just BEGging my mom for a new teddy bear when we were out shopping.

I love watching the nurturing, motherly side of Ava grow. She takes such good care of her stuffed animals, putting them to bed under the covers, shoving them down in her dolly high chair and feeding them plastic carrots, singing to them, taking them for rides in the dolly stroller...

You WANT to be a stuffed animal in this girl's room! Ha!

 Even though she's turning 5 in a week, I can still see traces of baby sweetness lingering. She likes to bring an animal to snuggle with if she feels shy...she runs straight to me for a snuggle when she wakes up in the morning...she still cries HARD when she's upset...she still needs a rest in the afternoon...

But it's all fading fast. Too fast.

This handsome fellow is my comedian! Oh, the laughter he brings to my heart!

He's finally realized that HE is funny, and we are NOT laughing AT him! It took a while...he cried a lot thinking we were making fun of him for a long time.

Now he knows he's funny. He has great timing, does a fantastic British accent, and spits out the most random, hilarious things all day long.

You can't parent well without a sense of humor!

Benji will be eight in January. That's two years under 10. That's 6 years under driving.

I hope he's still funny then!

My oldest, my perfect baby.

Napped twice, for two hours each time! Slept through the night at 7 weeks!

No allergies, no issues, no naughtiness, no terrible twos...

I thought I was the best mom ever!

How we learn and grow!

Alec is 10...sometimes older, sometimes younger!

Older, more often than not these days.

I love watching him read

and write his school work

He's so big, up to my shoulders...

Makes the weight of my reality on my shoulders heavy.

I will soon have a teenager.

He'll be amazing.

I just know it.

And that, my friends, is more than just

a hill 'o beans!